These Are the Top 3 Things Families Fight About, Study Shows

Whether you have a toddler or a teenager, one thing you can count on is some family tension. From bedtime battles to disagreements over chores, there are several situations that are bound to spark a bit of back-and-forth. While it may sometimes feel like the arguing is never-ending, or that you’re falling short as a parent, it’s helpful to gain some perspective—such as insight into what other families are grappling with daily.

A new study from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign aimed to uncover the primary sources of conflict in today’s families. To do this, researchers surveyed a nationwide sample of 593 adults parenting at least one child between the ages of 4 and 17. Participants reported the severity of various conflict topics within their couple relationships and with their children, with separate lists created for couples, younger children (ages 4–12), and teenagers (ages 13–18).

Published in the Journal of Family Issues, the study revealed that for parents and young kids, the top three arguments revolved around familiar issues: bedtime delays, following instructions and picky eating. Couples, too, quarreled over classic issues such as communication, parenting, chores and finances. However, the most striking conflicts between parents and teens showed how much technology has reshaped modern family life, with messy rooms, screen time and phone use landing in the top three sources of friction.

“This information about common sources of strife can help couples and families better anticipate and prepare for conflict, and it highlights to families dealing with these issues that they are not alone in what they are going through. It can also help researchers and practitioners address conflict areas that are most salient in many families,” study co-author and Illinois Extension specialist and assistant professor Allen Barton said in a press release.

“Our research provides information across a variety of family relationship types about what gets under people’s skin in modern-day American families," Barton added. "We found that some of the most severe issues for couples tended to be part of their everyday interactions, highlighting for individuals working with couples the importance of devoting attention to address these day-to-day relationship aspects.”

Creating a safe space where arguments can arise and lead to growth is important for any family. Check out these negative words to avoid and how to practice active listening with your child.