Viral Post Asks ‘How Do You Measure Success as a SAHM?’

For the most part, being a parent is a thankless job. While those climbing the corporate ladder receive raises and promotions for their hard work, stay-at-home parents often give their all without any clear markers of success.

In a now-viral TikTok, a mom known as Syd (@eclectichomeschooling) opened up about the struggle of not having a concrete way to measure success as a stay-at-home parent. “Something that I think a lot of people don’t realize about being a stay-at-home mom, whether you are a homeschool mom or your kids are young and you’re staying home with them during those years, is that there’s no measurement of success. There’s no metric,” she begins.

“There’s no one saying, ‘Congratulations, you’ve been promoted; you’re the top of the top at this skill.’ None of that,” Syd continues. She notes that while it might feel good to hear you’re doing a great job raising your kids, and it feels good to give love, it’s still not something you can hold or write down.

What makes it even more challenging is that the things you can measure—like whether the laundry is done, the house is clean, or the dishes are put away—seem impossible to keep up with. It’s a constant cycle of tasks that are never fully completed.

“When you’re tying your success to something you spend 24 hours a day doing, it can be really draining,” she says. “To be a perfect parent in a measurable way would mean literally never having a second of rest and making everything in your life appear perfect. But we know that’s not real, right? We know that’s not healthy for anyone. So, you’re left with no validation.”

Syd explains that even parents who know they’re doing their best as partners, moms, and friends still have to grapple with just how relentless and ongoing parenting can be. “We’re going on eight years of not being able to measure [my success as a person],” she laments. “I think that’s something nobody really talks about, or that we don’t get to talk about with each other. Your partner goes to work: they get promoted, they get raises, they complete their work for the day and get to say, ‘OK, I succeeded.’ But [our workload] is just constant, all the time, and there’s no metric for it.”

Syd doesn’t offer a neat solution to this feeling but suggests that stay-at-home parents find a hobby or something separate from the daily grind to create a sense of progress and accomplishment. However, she admits she’s not sure if there’s a real fix for this deeply personal issue—it’s just something worth discussing.

“It’s the never-ending loops that are never complete. We never get the satisfaction of a ‘job well done’ because nothing is ever really done. Once I started focusing on my own happiness, it got better,” wrote one commenter in response. Another shared, “My measurement for success was when I sent them off, from preschool to college, and got feedback about how kind, funny, and empathetic my kids are. My success is setting them up for success.”

While there may not be a one-size-fits-all solution to the challenges of measuring success as a stay-at-home parent, opening up these conversations can help us recognize and celebrate the invaluable work parents do every day. If you’re looking for ways to find balance and fulfillment in your parenting journey, check out The Bump’s tips for self-care for stay-at-home parents.