Mom Calls Out the Way People Talk About Tearing During Childbirth

While great strides have been made in conversations around childbirth and labor, there are still areas where compassionate, parent-centered language lags behind. One such area is the conversation surrounding tearing during childbirth.

In a now-viral video, TikTok creator Jordan Simone (@jordxn.simone speaks out about the frustrating way many talk about perineal tears during childbirth. “Everybody talks about not wanting to rip their hoo ha during childbirth, but nobody ever talks about what it’s like when you actually do,” Simone begins. “So let’s talk about that and then we can unpack some of the misogynistic language surrounding that type of injury.”

Simone emphasizes that worrying about tearing during childbirth is completely valid. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), about 53-79% of vaginal deliveries result in some form of tearing, which ranges from minor first-degree tears to the more severe third- and fourth-degree tears. Simone experienced a second-degree tear, which occurs in roughly 65% of births.

“I did experience some stinging, pain, and discomfort when using the bathroom, especially in those first couple of days,” Simone shared. "I used my peri bottle instead of tissue for two, maybe three weeks. The pain wore off, and I was just really uncomfortable. Granted, this is my experience…but I was just really uncomfortable.”

However, the emotional discomfort lasted much longer. “I’m not speaking on behalf of everyone, but the temporary discomfort that I felt is, at this point, nothing compared to the almost endless discomfort I feel with having my bits and pieces implied to be disgusting because I tore.”

Simone stresses that talking about the realities of pregnancy and childbirth is not only important, but also empowering. “It is not misogynistic to talk about the realities of pregnancy and childbirth. It’s actually super feminist to make sure that people are aware of what they’re getting themselves into, should they decide to have a baby,” she says.

She argues that misogyny creeps in when the language used is harmful, like labeling an injury as “disgusting” or saying someone’s body is “ruined” after childbirth. “It’s also misogynistic to look at those injuries so much differently, so much worse, with more criticism than you would other injuries,” she adds.

“I don’t know many moms my age, but almost everybody I know has played a sport at some point in their life, which means that almost everybody I know has experienced some type of injury: a broken bone, a torn ACL, a gash on their body that needed stitches. Something happened where they had to go get fixed up. I never hear about how disgusting or vile it is. I never hear about how ruined their body is and how they’ll just never be the same again, even when that is sometimes the case,” Simone points out. “The only time we bring up language like disgusting, ruined, vile, horrific is when we’re talking about the private parts of women.”

Parents flooded the comments to share their own experiences and praise the shift in language. One parent shared, “If you’re gonna get injured, I think bringing life into this world has to be one of the better ways to do it. I have so much respect for anyone who chooses to go through childbirth.” Another added, “I tore upwards and downwards (a Y). Hurt like a mf but it healed and it’s the same as before. But I agree no one’s ever said my finger was disgusting after the tip cut off and that looks different.”

Bottom line—It’s important to have honest conversations about the tough realities of motherhood, like tearing during childbirth, without framing these experiences as something that “ruins” moms. Instead, these challenges highlight the strength, resilience and beauty that come with bringing new life into the world. By discussing the less glamorous sides of motherhood openly, we can honor the full journey while celebrating the powerful, incredible women who navigate it all.