Dr. Becky Explains Why Your Kid Puts Off Bedtime in Viral Video

As a psychologist, mom of three, author and social media icon, Dr. Becky Kennedy has helped thousands of parents get to the bottom of their child’s behavior. Known generally as just Dr. Becky, Kennedy is back at it again, providing parents with not only why their little ones are stalling when it comes to bedtime but also how to acknowledge their real wants and needs and get them drifting off to sleep sooner.

In a now-viral video, Kennedy delves into the nightly conundrum, explaining that your kids aren’t just giving you a hard time; they’re having a hard time because they’re anxious about the upcoming separation from you.

“Sleep struggles are actually separation struggles,” Kennedy addresses in the video and in her caption. “When your kid seems to be doing EVERYTHING to avoid bedtime… they’re really avoiding separating from you. If your kid keeps asking question after question, they are often less interested in the answer than they are in getting a little more of you, their parent.”

So what’s a parent to do? Kennedy says the key is to address their real need. “The next time your kid is asking endless questions at bedtime, instead of answering them over and over and getting annoyed, pause and say this to your child: ‘Wait a second. I just want to give you a really big squeeze [insert big hug here]. That feels so good to really connect before bedtime.’”

Kennedy explains that this established moment of connection is their “real need"—and it’s likely to lessen their need to procrastinate because they feel loved, seen and connected in this crucial moment.

Parents quickly chimed in the comments to share their own kids’ sleep struggles and thank Kennedy for her advice. “You’re like a magician! Like a magician for parents!! Same thing happens in the morning (before drop off),” wrote one parent. “Love the big squeezes!! I also like to tell them that we will get to play more in our dreams together,” added another.

While every child is different and this strategy isn’t bulletproof—especially for kiddos who are scared of the dark, as other parents pointed out—this helpful hack could help you make bedtime a little smoother. Check out these other tips for helping your toddler drift off to sleep so you can get some much-needed Zzzs.