3 Game-Changing Tips for Holiday Travel With Kids, From Dr. Becky

The holidays are here, and with them come plenty of big feelings—both good and bad—especially when it comes to traveling. Who better to guide you and your little ones through this emotional rollercoaster than Dr. Becky Kennedy, psychologist, mom of three and today’s go-to expert on “deeply feeling” kids and all things parenting emotions?

Lovingly known as Dr. Becky, Kennedy’s back to help parents and kids alike navigate the challenges of holiday travel with a plan for managing those inevitable big emotions. In a recent episode of her podcast Good Inside, Dr. Becky dives into common holiday travel stressors and offers practical strategies for handling them. Here are three of our favorite takeaways.

1. Shift Your Mindset and “Upgrade The Question”

When it comes to holiday travel, parents often feel a sense of dread at the thought of their toddler melting down in the airport or baby crying through an entire flight. Dr. Becky suggests that this mindset—and the questions parents are asking—may actually be part of the problem. One of the most powerful tools parents can use, she explains, is to “Upgrade the Question.”

Instead of asking, “How can I travel with my kids without stress?” try reframing it as, “How can I travel with my kids and manage my stress?” Or, “How can I go on a flight with my kids and do everything I can to reduce meltdowns while also preparing for the ones that may still happen?” This simple shift helps parents reconnect with their capabilities. “Wait a second, I am an adult, I’ve felt stress a million times in my life. Why do I have to not feel stress on the airplane? Maybe I don’t have to feel scared of that; maybe I can manage it,” Dr. Becky explains.

And when meltdowns inevitably happen mid-flight, it helps to remember you’ve been here before. “Wait, my kids have a meltdown most days of their toddler lives—that’s normal,” Dr. Becky says. “Instead of crossing my fingers and hoping they don’t have a meltdown on the plane, maybe there’s a few things I can do to reduce the likelihood. But also, maybe I can prepare myself to be the sturdiest leader I can be when my kids have a meltdown during the flight.”

2. Let Your Little Ones Know What to Expect

To understand your child’s experience with traveling, Dr. Becky recommends putting yourself in their shoes. “Think about someone dragging you to an airport, putting you on a plane, and buckling you in when you have no idea what’s happening. I don’t know about you, but I would have a meltdown,” Dr. Becky explains. “To some degree, kids meltdown because they’re like, What’s happening to me? Where am I? Where am I going?”

The solution? Talk to your kids ahead of time about what to expect. Walk them through the steps of travel—what the airport will look like, the security process, the plane ride—so they feel prepared. A little advance prep can go a long way in making everyone feel a little more calm and safe.

3. Recognize Your Job During a Meltdown

Like it or not, your job during a meltdown isn’t to stop it. “That’s like someone saying, ‘If there’s a tornado, how do I end it as quickly as possible?’ What would you tell your friend? I think I would tell my friend, ‘I think we are asking the wrong question,’” Dr. Becky says. “What is your job during a tornado? Probably to get somewhere safe. What is your job during a tantrum? Your job is never to end a tantrum or a meltdown. Your job is to keep your body as calm as possible and to keep your kid safe. That means you stop them from kicking a seat, you stop them from scratching the passenger next to them. But it’s gonna happen, and that’s okay.”

Dr. Becky ends with a reassuring note that’s worth carrying with you this holiday season: Most people around you have been there before, or they can at least sympathize with what it means to be an overwhelmed parent. By and large, people aren’t there to judge—they’re there with a knowing smile or a helping hand.

However your holiday travel unfolds, remember this: You’ve got this.