New Moms Share Their Biggest Fears—Plus How to Handle Them

Congratulations on baby’s arrival and welcome to Advanced Adulting, where the responsibilities (and anxieties) just leveled up! You’re now responsible for a tiny human being without any formal training or instruction manual. (Cue freak out!)

Here’s the thing: Those new-mom fears? They’re completely normal. After all, being entrusted with a brand-new life is equal parts amazing and overwhelming. To help ease your mind, we talked to experts and moms who’ve been-there-worried-about-that for their perspectives on the most common new-parent fears—plus tips to keep them in check.

Is My Baby Eating Enough?

If you want to drive a new mom into a self-doubt frenzy, ask “Do you think the baby had enough to eat?” I, for one, wanted to pull my hair out anytime my well-meaning husband asked that question. Equally infuriating: When someone would hand me my crying baby saying, “I think he’s hungry.” I had never breastfed before. There was no ounce-marker on my boob to illustrate how much my newborn had eaten. I had no idea if he had enough—and I had zero clues if his cries meant he was hungry.

Naturally, I was not alone in this concern. Research from baby brand Owlet shows that 28 percent of new parents put “baby getting enough to eat” at the very top of their new-parent fears list.

Even industry professionals like midwives aren’t immune. “I had this fear too!” says Lucy Chapin, NP, CNM, a certified nurse midwife and holistic health coach with Mad River Birth and Wellness in Burlington, Vermont. “It’s a really strong and universal fear—and it stems from you wanting to be the best mother you can be.” One thing that helped Chapin was reminding herself how tiny newborn bellies are. “Learning about normal weight loss in the beginning—and expected wet/stool diapers for the first couple weeks—was very helpful,” she says. “Knowledge is power, so my best advice to fight the fear is to learn what you can while still pregnant, so you can plan and prepare for postpartum.”

If you don’t have built-in support, invest in forming your postpartum inner circle, such as hiring a lactation consultant or a postpartum doula. “This can do wonders in terms of assuaging this fear—and so many others,” says Chapin

What Are All Those Weird Baby Noises?

The phrase “sleep like a baby” implies silent snoozing, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Newborn sleep is, in fact, incredibly noisy. “With my first baby, I was completely freaked out at how many grunts, groans and loud thumping kicks came from his bassinet,” recalls Caitlin, a mom of two in Newport, Rhode Island.

“Newborns are weird and do lots of strange, noisy things!” agrees Rebekah Diamond, MD, an assistant professor of pediatrics at Columbia University and author of Parent Like a Pediatrician. “While it’s common to worry, know that audible congestion and loud breathing when babies sleep, especially in the beginning or when they have a cold, is quite common.” To help keep your anxiety in check, Diamond suggests always asking yourself this question: “Is the noise or behavior bothering me or bothering baby?” If your little one seems unfazed, take their lead. “But remember, your pediatrician will always be happy to talk through it with you,” she adds.

Is Baby Sleeping Safely?

“I had a lot of anxiety about whether or not my daughter was breathing in her sleep,” says Amy W., a mom of one in Syracuse, New York. “There’s nothing more terrifying than the idea that baby could just die in their sleep for no known reason.” Amy’s concern strikes a universal chord: Per Owlet’s research, nearly 40 percent of new parents count Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) as their top baby fear.

Sleep safety is a legitimate concern that leads many parents to obsessively monitor their babies. But constant checking, while totally understandable, often increases anxiety without improving safety. “What I’ve learned is, focusing on your own safest sleep set up is much more effective at decreasing SIDS risk than constantly checking on baby’s breathing,” advises Diamond.

Diamond urges parents to create a safe sleep environment well before you bring your little one home. “Have an American Academy of Pediatrics-approved set up at the ready,” she says. This means ensuring any bassinets, cribs or playards are kept empty. All in all, that’s really everything you need to be fully prepared to give by-the-book safe sleep an honest try,” Diamond says. Other than that, it’s imperative to remember that back-sleeping is the best way to reduce baby’s risk of SIDS. “It’s also important to have a smoke-free household, never use in-bed sleepers and loose blankets,” Diamond adds. Swaddles and sleep sacks will keep your newbie cozy.

With her second baby on the way, Amy W. is heeding Diamond’s advice. “I now have the experience of my first child being perfectly safe in her bassinet to reassure me that the next baby will be just fine, too,” Amy says. “I’ll still follow safe-sleep recommendations, but I won’t be an anxious mess wondering if what I’m doing is enough.”

Is Baby Too Hot (or Too Cold)?

Chances are, “worry about baby being too hot or too cold” is on your new-parent bingo card, “We live in an old house where the temperature can be all over the place,” says Chrisanne G., mom of one in Stamford, Connecticut. “I worried about overdressing baby and increasing her risk of SIDS, but I also worried about underdressing her and having her be too cold.”

The good news? You can stop obsessing over TOG ratings (i.e. how warm the fabric is) and special baby monitors. Instead, remember that, per Diamond, “babies don’t need their environment to be much different than yours. A room temperature that’s comfortable for you is generally good for baby.” Many experts recommend keeping baby’s sleep space between 68 and 72 degrees Fahrenheit. As for clothing, the AAP recommends dressing babies in just one more layer than you’re wearing—or using a wearable (never a loose) blanket.

Watch for signs of baby overheating (sweating, hot chest or flushed skin) or being too cold (they feel cool to the touch, have pale skin or are experiencing breathing difficulties). That’s what Chrisanne did. “After we ditched the temperature monitor, I mostly just relied on how baby’s skin felt,” she says. “I’d check the back of her neck, not her hands. If she seemed really warm or cold, I’d adjust her layers.”

Why Haven’t I Bonded With Baby Yet?

Moms are often expected to feel an instant, overwhelming bond with their babies. But for many, that immediate connection isn’t reality. “The newborn phase was extremely challenging for me, which made it difficult to enjoy my daughters and bond with them,” recalls mother-of-two, Jessie C., in New York City. Like many new moms, the well-meaning advice to “enjoy every minute” only deepened her guilt and concern.

Not having an immediate connection in the first days or weeks is actually completely normal, reports the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). “There are many reasons for the delay,” explains Suzanne Mungalez, PsyD, PMH-C, a perinatal psychologist and owner of The MaMA Space. “Birth trauma, postpartum depression, anxiety or even just the intense hormonal shifts of the early baby blues can all affect bonding. Sometimes, it simply takes time.”

“Moms need to give themselves grace,” says Suzy Lipinski, MD, a board-certified ob-gyn at Pediatrix Medical Group in Denver. “You can’t be a great mom if you aren’t taking care of yourself first.” Letting others bond with baby during your recovery is wonderful—and takes nothing away from your relationship. As Mungalez reminds us, “even if you don’t feel bonded yet, you’re still your baby’s safe space—and that connection will grow.”

For Jessie, comfort came in her husband’s gentle presence with their newborn, and relief arrived with her baby’s first smiles. “Once I started to feel like I could interact with her, it made such a huge difference,” she says. “Looking back, I want to tell myself, ‘you’re still a good mom even if you don’t enjoy every minute.’”

Will Baby Have a Flat Head?

There are a lot of babies wearing helmets—and a lot of moms hoping their babies won’t be among them, which is why there’s a slew of specialty baby pillows flooding the market promising to prevent flat head syndrome. (PS: Those pillows are unsafe and should never be used, according to the AAP.)

When Montclair, New Jersey mom-of-two Elyse M. noticed her baby developing a flat spot, she low-key panicked: “I thought a flat head was pretty rare,” she recalls. But the truth is, about one out of four babies who sleep on their back (like they’re supposed to) develops flat head syndrome, aka plagiocephaly, UCLA Health notes. With her second baby, Elyse was prepared. “I was on high alert about his head. For the first two to three months it never touched a flat surface during the day. I was always holding him or wearing him or doing tummy time,” she recalls. “I didn’t want to make a mistake again and affect his head shape.”

The pediatrician’s response at her son’s 3-month check-up also brought relief. “I told the pediatrician we were doing tummy time after every diaper change, and he raised his eyebrows and said five minutes a day was plenty,” says Elyse. Confused, she told the doctor all about her daughter’s flat head. “He said not to worry. It was like nothing to him and it felt so big to me!” Per the AAP and UCLA Health, infants’ skulls are designed to be malleable, and mild flat head syndrome does not affect brain growth or intellectual development. For prevention, besides short stints of tummy time, parents can regularly reverse their baby’s position in the crib or bassinet (still always lay them on their back though) and use a mobile to encourage head turning.

I Don’t Know Why Baby Is Crying

There’s no Google Translate for baby cries, leaving many new parents struggling to decode their newborn’s needs—and doubting themselves with every whimper and sob. Take Jessie C., a Brooklyn, New York mom of two: “My youngest would cry most evenings from about 7 to 10, and I would just hold her while she wailed, feeling completely helpless and hopeless. None of the soothing techniques I used on my oldest worked.”

The exhaustion and chemical changes of new parenthood also don’t help speed things along. “When hormones are surging and you haven’t had sleep, the crying can seem overwhelming,” says Lipinski. “It’s hard to understand that some babies just cry more than others—and a crying baby doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom.”

Keep in mind that a typical healthy and happy newborn cries for up to four hours a day, per Mayo Clinic. Eventually, “most parents do start to recognize what certain cries and body language means with time,” Chapin reassures.

When you’re struggling with understanding your baby’s tears, Chapin suggests creating a simple checklist of basic needs—diaper, feeding, burping—can be especially helpful during those sleep-deprived nights. And remember, some babies may still be upset and cry even once all their needs are met, which can be normal. “While it’s rare that baby crying is a situation of urgency or emergency, I always warn parents that if baby has an incredibly high-pitched nonstop cry, where nothing is helping, it may be worth calling their care provider,” she says.

Is Baby Delayed?

Those early firsts—rolling over, saying “dada,” taking wobbly steps—are magical. But a 2022 survey found that for nearly 60 percent of parents, the wait for each milestone heaps on the anxiety during baby’s first year.

Chrisanne G. knows this well: “First I worried because we couldn’t get my daughter to do tummy time for more than a few seconds, then I worried when she’d only roll in one direction. Then she wasn’t crawling when she was supposed to,” she says. “I felt like it was all my fault—and social media especially didn’t help.”

After months of comparing her baby to others, both online and off, Chrisanne now sees her constant milestone tracking differently. “I spent all that time worrying and it truly didn’t matter,” she says. “My daughter can roll over and crawl whenever she wants—and she eventually learned to walk just fine. She figured it out.”

While many concerns resolve naturally, it’s always a good idea to seek professional guidance if something feels off with your little one. “Pediatricians, occupational therapists, nutrition specialists, mental health professionals, they’re all trained to assess and diagnose developmental concerns,” says Mungalez. “Trust your intuition—but turn to experts, not Dr. Google or social media, when you have concerns.”

Will I Ever Sleep Again?

Getting baby to sleep through the night tops the worry list for nearly one in three new parents, according to Owlet’s research. In fact, more than 60 percent of parents report exhaustion dominated their first year as a parent.

The reality is that research from the AAP suggests that roughly 28 to 57 percent of infants ages 6 to 12 months don’t sleep through the night. As Diamond explains, “While sleep usually does get better week by week, with some significant sleep stretches by the end of the first few months, infant sleep is taught!"

Mom-of-four Priya R. from Detroit found her turning point wasn’t in her baby sleeping longer—it was in accepting help. “When I was finally able to zoom out and see that there’s real strength in accepting help, it got better,” she says. “We’re not meant to move into and through motherhood alone. Getting support from your village is essential for adequate rest.” Her advice: Don’t hesitate to call on sleep consultants, night nurses, family members—anyone who can provide overnight relief or daytime breaks so you can catch up on sleep.

Am I Doing Any of This Right?

“One of the biggest new-mom fears is the all-encompassing ‘am I doing this right?’ fear,” says Chapin. This is so universal that it’s felt by both first- and second-time moms, according to a 2021 study. “One thing I always share with my patients—and had to remind myself—is that you’ll hear 10 different ways to parent from 10 different people. There’s no one right way,” she says. “Try your best to filter out well-meaning grandparents or in-laws, family members, friends, strangers—and, of course, social media.”

Every new mom will have rough days filled with doubt and anxiety. But if it’s starting to impede your lifestyle or clouding your ability to feel joy, it might be time to reach out for help. Mungalez says that if you’re unsure whether your worry is crossing into postpartum anxiety, you should ask yourself two questions: “Is this worry impacting my daily life? And how long has this been happening?” She adds that if these feelings interfere with your basic needs like eating, sleeping and socializing—or prevent you from doing normal activities—and last longer than two weeks postpartum, it’s important to seek help from a mental health professional. “Remember, postpartum anxiety is treatable—and with support, you can have the healthy, happy postpartum experience you deserve,” she says.

Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.