20 Words That Mean Something Totally Different Once You’re a Parent
Once you become a parent, you tend to see the world in a whole new light—and certain words that used to so aptly describe your kid-free life suddenly take on a completely different meaning. Here, we’ve rounded up 20 common phrases and how their definitions quickly change with the arrival of a child.
Before kids: Sleeping in until noon and then going for brunch with friends
After kids: Waking up at the crack of dawn and then coaxing your kids to put on their shoes so you can go to the zoo
Before kids: A luxurious hair treatment at the salon
After kids: A scary mess of epic proportions waiting for you in baby’s dirty diaper (and up his back, down his legs and all over the car seat)
Before kids: Enjoying a three-course gourmet meal at the latest restaurant du jour
After kids: Trying to scarf your food down before your kids get tired of coloring in the kiddie menu and start acting up
Before kids: Take a romantic walk with your partner
After kids: Push the stroller up and down the block in hopes baby will fall asleep
Before kids: A time of day you’re not at all acquainted with
After kids: The time your kids wake up every. darn. day.
Before kids: Taking a relaxing soak with candles and a glass of wine
After kids: Getting drenched as you try to wash your slippery, splashing child
Before kids: What you occasionally do to chatty people at the movie theater
After kids: Your constant soundtrack for life with baby
Before kids: When you’re ready for bed after a long day
After kids: When you start hallucinating after not sleeping for three days straight
Before kids: Sunbathing with your earbuds in and a cocktail in hand
After kids: Frantically scanning the pool every 20 seconds to keep track of your kids
Before kids: Some strange, furry creature on Sesame Street
After kids: A total godsend for all toddler negotiations
Before kids: A regular self-care necessity
After kids: A luxury you get to enjoy once every blue moon
Before kids: A dirty tissue
After kids: Having dealt with all manner of bodily fluids, you don’t even want to know what qualifies as gross nowadays
Before kids: Cute athleisure pants
After kids: Jogging strollers—aka the only way you get some exercise in these days
Before kids: Your morning drink
After kids: Your lifeblood
Before kids: A chance to doze during the afternoon
After kids: A hard-fought hour to yourself while your child mercifully sleeps
Before kids: Cozy blankets you snuggle up with
After kids: Things that protect surfaces from baby—the crib mattress, changing pad, nursing pillow, stove knobs (the list goes on)
Before kids: A raging party that lasted ‘til dawn
After kids: A miserable night where baby’s incessant cries kept you from getting any shuteye
Before kids: Alone time
After kids: What is privacy again?
Before kids: A getaway to relax and recharge
After kids: A trip where you pack a ton of stuff, struggle to deal with an overtired child and return home more exhausted than when you left
Before kids: Annoying in-laws and crazy cousins
After kids: The thing that brings you the greatest joy in the world
Published January 2018
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