How to Set Boundaries With the 5-5-5 Rule Postpartum
The postpartum period is a time of healing and adjustment to life with baby. Emotions and hormones go wild as your body recovers from the roller coaster of childbirth. During such an mentally and physically delicate time, moms need all the permission they can get to slow down and put their feet up. The 5-5-5 rule for postpartum grants moms just that—and with a few tweaks, it could be just what the doula ordered. Read on to learn how to implement this plan.
The 5-5-5 rule for postpartum is a modern set of boundaries that encourage rest and relaxation in the first 15 days at home with baby. According to Katie Brett, MSN, PMHNP-BC, a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner at MyTribe, “The 5-5-5 rule in postpartum suggests a timeframe of recovery following birth: 5 days in bed, 5 days on the bed and 5 days around the bed.”
During this time, moms aren’t supposed to entertain, do housework or wrangle older children; the focus is on resting and snuggling with the new baby. Far from a new concept, many cultures have observed designated periods of rest postpartum since ancient times. In China, there’s a 2,000-year-old practice called “doing the month” in which a woman stays in her home for the first 30 days at home with baby.
The main benefit of the 5-5-5 rule for postpartum is that it grants moms permission to set boundaries and prioritize their well-being. Moms often face implicit (or explicit) pressure to do housework and be gracious hosts, but the 5-5-5 rule temporarily removes that expectation. No housework, no entertaining, no running after toddlers. Tania Lopez, CNM, certified nurse-midwife at Pediatrix Medical Group in Fort Worth, Texas, says, “By setting intentional rest time and creating boundaries, the new mom may ease into caring for the newest family member, allowing her time to recover from childbirth.” Helen A., mom of one in Baton Rouge, Louisiana says, “Having the 5-5-5 rule was great because it was a rule with a name that I could point to when certain visitors side-eyed me for laying in bed.”
While prioritizing rest and recovery post-childbirth is important, following the 5-5-5 rule to a T might not be beneficial or even possible for some women. The most obvious barrier to its implementation is the fact that women need a lot of help to make it happen—in the form of competent partners, boundary-honoring visitors and even postpartum doulas. Unfortunately, not all women have access to this level of support.
Additionally, following the 5-5-5 rule to the letter might not be the safest choice. “While it’s a great idea to prioritize your rest and recovery postpartum, the 5-5-5 rule can be restrictive in that it discourages women from walking around postpartum, which is actually important in preventing blood clots from occurring,” says Brett. “Another consideration is that most people are not fully recovered after 15 days postpartum, and the recovery period may need to be extended up to 6 to 12 weeks depending on factors affecting birth and recovery,” says Lopez. She adds that the 5-5-5 rule could be detrimental to mental health as it has the potential to be isolating, especially in the early days. When in doubt, tune into your body and consult your medical team for “rules” to navigate your specific postpartum experience safely.
The “5 days in bed” stage entails staying in bed for five days to bond with baby and heal your body. During this period, you’re only supposed to get out of bed to use the bathroom and take care of personal hygiene—not much else should be happening. “The ‘5 days in the bed’ would be spent sleeping, snuggling baby, doing skin-to-skin and focusing on being attuned to her own body’s needs. This might mean ice packs, sitz baths or staying on top of pain medication,” says Brett.
Kristin Revere, MM, CED, NCS, a certified birth, postpartum, and infant care doula and founder of Gold Coast Doulas in Grand Rapids, Michigan, suggests prepping ahead of time to make these five days easier: “Get a station set up for yourself with personal items and clothing changes. Set up a baby station for diapers, wipes, burp clothes and other newborn items, and have a bassinet in the room near your bed.”
The “5 days on bed” period looks a lot like “5 days in bed,” with some slight modifications. For these next five days, you’re still in bed but able to do more than rest and cuddle with baby. “This is the ideal time to have visitors come into the room or have other siblings in to play. Sitting up is fine and moving on the bed vs. lying in it,” says Revere. Brett has some ideas for activities during this stage: “The ‘5 days on the bed’ could be spent reading to baby, continuing breastfeeding (if electing to breastfeed) or spending time with older children.”
The “5 days around the bed” stage is when you’re able to leave the mattress and shuffle around the room a bit. “You can move around the room more while still trying to avoid going up and down stairs frequently. Rooming in is still the focus,” says Revere. If the 5-5-5 rule works for you as written, this time marks the transition from bed to house, completing the 15-day break from the pressures of life.
Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.
Plus, more from The Bump:
Katie Brett, MSN, PMHNP-BC, is a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner at MyTribe, a community and educational platform for new moms and parents.
Tania Lopez, CNM, is a certified nurse-midwife at Pediatrix Medical Group in Fort Worth, Texas. She earned her professional degree from the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center.
Kristin Revere, MM, CED, NCS, is a certified birth, postpartum, and infant care doula and the founder of Gold Coast Doulas in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
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