Rachel Fuda on Motherhood and the Best Parenting Advice She’s Received

Rachel Fuda leads a busy life. You might recognize her from The Real Housewives of New Jersey, but she’s also a mom to her 18-year-old step-son, Jaiden; two daughters under the age 5; and she recently welcomed her fourth, a baby boy named Lorenzo Antonio Fuda. Though she wears many hats, Fuda remains cool, calm, collected and incredibly gracious. To find out how she balances it all—and takes care of herself—The Bump sat down with Fuda ahead of her son’s birth to chat about all things pregnancy, motherhood and career.

The Bump: Did anything surprise you—positive or negative—during this fourth pregnancy?

Rachel Fuda: How different every pregnancy is. I feel like you hear that all the time—every baby is different, every pregnancy is different—and it’s so true. I really just thought a pregnancy is a pregnancy, especially when it’s your own body. But what I felt with Gigi, Juliana and now this baby are three completely different experiences. After this, I’m good. I don’t need to do this again. My second pregnancy was, by a landslide, the easiest. And this has definitely been my most challenging pregnancy.

TB: What differences have you noticed, especially considering this was your first pregnancy fully out of the pandemic in a lot of ways?

RF: When it’s your first pregnancy, you don’t know anything else. It is what it is, and the hospitals make the rules. My husband wasn’t able to come with me to anything my entire [first] pregnancy. He was only allowed to come into the delivery room—I think my hospital changed the rules two days prior to delivering her—and that was a scary thought for me. That was really the only thing that was traumatic to think about, that I would have to be by myself giving birth for the first time ever.

But when I was pregnant with Juliana, my second daughter, I didn’t know any better, so I was forgetting to tell him about appointments and things because I was so conditioned to him not being allowed to be there for a lot of stuff… It’s funny because someone just said to me, “Are you allowed to have visitors in the hospital?" And I’m like, I’ve never really thought about that because Gigi was a Covid baby, and with Juliana I was only allowed to have one person at a time. This pregnancy, I actually don’t even know what the rules are because I didn’t even think about it. I was just kind of like, “Okay, I’ll see everybody when I get home.”

TB: Did the experience of being pregnant and giving birth in 2020 shape your perspective on parenthood in any way?

RF: I suffered from postpartum anxiety with my oldest daughter, Gigi, my Covid baby. I didn’t know what I was actually going through until much later on because I was almost enabled by Covid. I didn’t have to leave my house. I didn’t have to go to mommy and me. I didn’t have to put her in daycare. I didn’t have to leave her with a babysitter—nothing was open. I was able to live in my bubble of anxiety and worry and not have to really deal with the challenges that come with adjusting to parenthood.

When I had Juliana, I had just gotten on the show actually. She was 2-and-a-half or 3 months old when I started the show, so there was no time for anxiety. It was like, if you want to do this, you have to give a little leeway—and it was a completely different experience. It was a time of reflection for me to be like, “I can’t allow myself to do that again.” So I went from one extreme to the other.

I think with the first, you’re so scared about everything, and then there’s this added layer of a global pandemic on top of, “Is she breathing?” Then I’m worrying about what’s happening in the world, and I can’t even go to the grocery store to get diapers. So when it came to my second baby, it was just a completely different experience overall. I had already done it before. It wasn’t my first rodeo, and I felt more comfortable. It was another girl—there was a lot of familiarity in that. I was just more comfortable as a mom, in my parenting skills and my ability to be able to get the job done.

TB: Is there anything that you’re really excited about in terms of the transition from three to four kids?

RF: My oldest is a senior in high school, so we’re in full-blown college mode. It’s a very full-circle moment. I met Jaiden when he had just turned 8. It’s a very unique situation for me to be in—to be having my first baby boy, while also shipping my first technically baby boy away to college. With this pregnancy, there’s less worry than there was with Juliana only because Gigi was the only baby—it was just her. Now it’s her and Juliana, who’s a little bit more into the baby thing. I just feel like it’s going to be a little bit more of an easy transition because I’ve done it before.

But we do talk about it all the time. I’m trying to paint the picture of, “I’ll need your help with bottles, burp clothes— you’re going to burp the baby, and we’ll sing him songs.” I’m already trying to incorporate what our life will look like as a family when he’s here….like setting up the nursery and all the things that could have been done in 15 minutes that took three days because I included my kids. It’s the little things that not only help foster the sibling bond, but also make it more tangible. Seeing the little play gym out and the little bouncer make it feel real—because my little one is in for it. This isn’t Gigi’s first time, so I’m not so worried. But Juliana, I’m only worried because she wants to be my helper so much. She’s going to be 3 in the beginning of March.

There are moments where I question myself and if I’m doing a good job—it’s one of those things where the reward is so delayed that you don’t know if you’re actually doing the right thing. But I guess one day I’ll find out. I just try to teach my kids to just love. Family is number one, and we love each other unconditionally. We always try to prioritize family time together. We have scheduled family dinner nights. You have to really make the effort to create that family unit, and that’s definitely a priority of ours.

TB: How is Jaiden feeling about being a big brother?

RF: He’s excited, but I think, like any 18-year-old, he’s in his own world right now. It’s about his girlfriend. It’s about college, and he’s really excited for what’s next. I’m really excited for him, too. I don’t hold him to this expectation of, “Are you excited? Are you happy? How are you feeling?” I’m very conscious, and have been very conscious even from when Gigi was born, that I didn’t want to give him the responsibilities of being a parent. You don’t need to change your sister’s diapers, that’s not your job. I’m very conscious of that, but he is excited. He’s excited to buy little outfits and shoes for him and things like that. But the age difference is actually the same age difference between him and John because John was so young when he had Jaiden. He’s like, “It’s weird to think that that’s what it would be like if I had a kid.” I’m like, "Yes, remember that!”

TB: That family unit becomes all the more important as you grow up. Speaking of, your baby shower looked beautiful. How did it feel to finally be able to celebrate with all your people and have everyone in one room?

RF: It was really nice. I think, traditionally, you don’t have a baby shower for a third baby, but given the circumstances, John was like, "If we don’t do it now, you’re never going to have one.” It was really, really nice to be surrounded by friends and family that are happy for our family and are excited to see our family grow. It was such a nice day. It was everything I could have wanted. John really went above and beyond for me. He recruited Margaret, Lexi and Melissa ([from the show]) to help because I think he realized he was in a little over his head, and he didn’t want me to do anything for it. It was nice to be able to just enjoy the day, be with friends and celebrate such a happy milestone… There’s not a whole lot of opportunity where you get to see a lot of your family and friends. Being able to celebrate a positive, happy occasion with them was really nice.

TB: Was there any advice that you received from your Real Housewives of New Jersey family that was especially helpful?

RF: Joe Gorga had actually given John and I the best piece of advice, and that was to keep your priorities and your family number one. Don’t get wrapped up in it all and remember what really matters. I think he told us that before we even knew that we were getting on the show—I think we were still interviewing at the time—but that’s the best advice that you could receive from just about any endeavor. It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle of your job, your passion project or whatever it is, but you have to keep it all in perspective because you don’t get this time back.

TB: What advice would you give to first-time parents?

RF: I really think that the most important thing, especially as a new parent, is that you give yourself grace and have patience with yourself. Be kind to yourself. You too are doing this for the first time. Whether it’s your third baby or your first baby, it’s your first time with that baby, right? Parenting is an evolution of who you are. We’re evolving with our kids, and our kids are constantly changing. They’re constantly growing, and we have to do that too, which is hard. We have to be patient, and we have to be kind to ourselves. We’re not perfect and we will make mistakes along the way—and that’s okay. The more forgiving you can be with yourself and the more grace you can give, the happier of a parent you’ll be.

TB: You have a lot on your plate, with a pregnancy, three kids, business ventures and a chronic illness—how do you carve out time for yourself with everything else going on?

RF: I mean it always looks a lot easier than it is, but you have to prioritize what your needs are. For me, that’s being in therapy once a week, and I put it on my shared calendar with my husband. He knows what time it’s at. I do it after the kids go to bed, and that’s time that I have to allocate for myself. It’s a balance, but you have to prioritize your mental health over everything else.

TB: How did you come to your baby-name decisions with your kids?

RF: It’s hard having three kids of school age—my little ones are in preschool, and Jaiden’s now in high school, so I have so many associations with names. Even with our business, there are so many affiliations and associations. It’s like, “I like this name, but there was this kid when I was in the seventh grade. Or, I did business with this guy, and he was not a nice person." It’s crazy because people that have had little to no impact on your life, you still remember that they were not nice or that they were teasing you in first grade.

But I will say both of my girls, their middle names are both after our grandparents. For this baby, we had a really hard time picking out his name. It’s a long list that we went through. It’s got to flow, but you also want it to be strong on its own. It was very difficult.

TB: Are there any baby or parenting products that have become household staples?

RF: I have a few. The Newton toddler and baby mattress—all my kids have had it. That’s number one. The Hatch sound machine, the Baby Shusher and, honestly, the old school booger suckers: the bulbs. I don’t need to suck it out with my mouth. The one they give you in the hospital is the best. Velcro swaddles are also a must—who has time to swaddle with a blanket? Not me . And the BabyBjӧrn bouncer—that thing is like godsend.

TB: What are your hospital-bag must-haves?

RF: My Boppy pillow, shower flip-flops, my toiletry bag that hangs, comfortable pajamas, a nightlight, a portable sound machine, sports bras, onesies, baby hats and little outfits. Compression pants and socks—I don’t know why pregnant people don’t talk about this more. Every person that’s pregnant should own compression socks. It can make a bad day a good day. I’ve only had C-sections, and having the extra support from the compression pants and belly bands helps with recovery. It helps you feel supported and you’re able to walk more confidently.

TB: What’s next for you, professionally and personally? Will you be returning to TV?

RF: That’s the million dollar question. I feel like during pregnancy, it’s such a weird time, because you know that there’s this major life event that’s about to take placeI need to be with my family, adjust and then figure it out. We just opened another business, and I’ve been talking to John about getting back into the office, but I just need a second to get it together. Let’s get our family on a schedule—I don’t even know what my mornings will look like when the baby’s born. This is going to be a different experience for me. Again, I’m trying to be kind to myself and not put too much pressure on myself. I am going to need to figure it out for a second and just see where the chips fall.