‘No Guide for This’ Episode 3: How Not to Flip Out

Some people just don’t enjoy being pregnant. They get hit with all the uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms and count down the days to delivery. But not Heather Rae El Moussa—she loved her baby bump and feeling her son kick. Yes, she dealt with bad sciatica, and yes, she waddled just like the rest of us (albeit, in heels), but she admitted to No Guide for This hosts Jen Hayes Lee and Sasha Smith that she misses being pregnant. The reality TV star sat down with Jen and Sasha to talk all things motherhood, from what it was like filming Netflix’s Selling Sunset while expecting, to what life looks like now with a 2-year-old son and two stepkids, ages 9 and 14.

You could say Heather has a lot going on. In addition to parenting three kids with husband Tarek El Moussa, she appears in not one but two shows, HGTV’s The Flipping El Moussas and The Flip Off, and just launched a new beauty line, Heather Rae Essentials. Keep scrolling to hear how she got her TV start, what it was like becoming a stepmom, how she navigated her postpartum journey and what might be on the horizon, for her career and her family.

You can also listen to the full audio podcast on Spotify and Apple Music.

Meet Our Guest

Heather Rae El Moussa is a luxury real estate expert, model and actress well known for starring in Netflix’s Selling Sunset series and co-hosting HGTV’s The Flipping El Moussas alongside her husband, Tarek El Moussa. A Southern California native, she began selling luxury real estate in 2014, quickly establishing herself among high-profile clientele. Heather and Tarek have also launched The Flip Off, a competition show where they go head-to-head with his ex, Christina Hall, and her husband Josh. Beyond television, Heather co-founded Home by THEM, a luxury home goods brand, and is passionate about fitness, plant-based living and animal rights. She lives in Newport Beach, California, with Tarek, their son Tristan, stepchildren Taylor and Brayden, and their dog Bugzy.

Episode Transcript

Jen: Hi, I’m Jen.
Sasha: Hi, and I’m Sasha, and you’re listening to No Guide for This, a podcast all about adulting and adulting with kids. And today I’m so excited that we are here with Heather Rae El Moussa. Welcome. So excited to have you.
Heather: Thank you ladies. Excited to be here.
Sasha: We’re going to get into all the things, but I do want to let you guys know a little bit about Heather. Heather is a luxury real estate expert, model—look how gorgeous she is!—and actress, most famously known for her Netflix show Selling Sunset and also co-hosting HDTV’s The Flipping El Moussas alongside her husband Tarek El Moussa. She’s a southern California girl and has been selling luxury real estate since 2014. So you’ve done it all. And you also have a new show, The Flip Off. So just all the things, all the hats, doing a million things, and we’re just really, really excited to be talking to you about all things motherhood, career and how you balance it all.
Heather: Not easy!
Sasha: Not easy, not easy. I can’t even imagine.
Jen: Yeah, we’ve got questions and I can’t wait to jump into all of it.
Heather: Let’s go!
Jen: Yes! But before we get too deep, we like to kick these off with a segment that we call Can’t Make This Up. It’s where we see something in pop culture that is just sort of a moment that is like, hey, we want to talk about it. Let’s talk about it. How do you feel about it? So Nicole Williams English—I dunno if you’re familiar with her, but most recently there was a moment where she was…what was Nicole doing?
Sasha: She was on a TikTok and there was a trending sound about basically saying no when other moms or other parents are asking you to go out. It’s her just around her house like immediately no, not doing it. She’s busy, she’s staying home. She needs to find time.
Jen: Thanks for the assist. I was having a mommy brain fog. But yeah, now that you’ve got all these responsibilities—you’ve got stepchildren, you’ve got a son of your own, you’re married, you’re doing real estate, you’re doing TV shows—when you get that text and someone invites you out, how are you feeling? Are you like, yes, let’s go. Or are you like absolutely not, there’s no time?
Heather: First of all, if I’m going to do anything, it has to be planned weeks in advance, at least bare minimum a week, so I can try to find someone to help me with Tristan and get everything organized and planned. And my calendar is very booked out. So it would have to be a lot of time. I mean, I wish I could. I love my girlfriends, but we’re all so busy. We’re all moms and juggling so much. So I’m a no girl.
Jen: And I feel like especially if you have other friends that are moms, at least we can give each other grace.
Heather: You understand what each other is going through and I feel like you give each other grace. There’s no pressure.
Jen: Exactly. And just for background, I’m a mom of three and Sasha is a wife, not yet a mom. So we kind of have the spectrum covered of what it looks like to sort of transition into that. So Sasha’s going to be taking some notes too.
Sasha: A hundred percent. Like, how are you juggling it all? I need to know.
Heather: But I have help. Lots of help. I have a great assistant.
Jen: That’s amazing. Do you want to give your assistant a shout out?
Heather: Lauren, shout out! She’s hearing me today.
Sasha: Speaking of me being prior to having kids—I’d like to have kids one day. What is an assumption that you had before having kids about parenting that might’ve changed since now you have your own? Heather: Gosh, I feel like my girlfriends would be like, mom life. They would use that term a lot, right?
Jen: And you’re like, annoying.
Heather: I’m like, okay, great. Yeah, I don’t have kids, I know, roll my eyes. But now I say that all the time. It’s really true. And it’s just funny. I’m like mom life because it is, or mommy brain, like you said earlier, I would just forget, especially during pregnancy and then right after, oh my gosh, I was in a fog. You’re exhausted. You’re barely making it through. One of my best friends—I was actually up here on what day? Monday, Tuesday? I don’t even know what day it is this week—and she just had a newborn and he’s 12 days old. So I went and helped her with him, held him so she could take a shower. You need help just to have a shower. Like, what? Jen: Oh yeah, you could go all day until there’s someone there to be like, okay, let me hold and help, and then I’m just going to go take a shower.
Heather: Taking a shower after baby and using a scrub—that was a luxury for me. Bringing yourself back to life, right?
Sasha: Yes. I’m like, I feel like a woman! So you really appreciate those little things after having kids. You’re like, oh, I took this stuff for granted. I had all the time in the world when I wasn’t taking care of something else. And now it’s all about the baby and can I just get a shower?
Heather: Oh yeah. Self-care has definitely gone down.
Jen: And you have to be intentional about adding it back. Okay. You said a scrub in the shower is one of your go-tos. Do you have any other hacks when you’re like, okay, this is my me time, I’m going to get this.
Heather: God, it’s not often, but I’ll use that red light laser at home. It’s like a 10-minute thing. Your’e supposed to do it every day, you guys. I do it maybe once a week. Barely.
Jen: Okay.
Heather: What else do I do? The body scrub. That’s my go-to. I like to shower. I’m a two-shower-a-day girl. I have to shower before bed. Have to.
Sasha: Me too! A lot of people find that weird. I thought it was normal.
Heather: A shower every morning and every night. I can’t wake up and feel fresh for the day without it. Sometimes I don’t get my shower right away because Tristan’s up at the crack of dawn and it’s like go, go, go. But by the time I get a little free time, I can jump in the shower, sometimes, depending on my day, 9, 10, 12, when he goes down for his nap. But then at night I have to shower.
Sasha: You don’t want to feel sticky getting into bed. There’s something weird about that. I find I need to feel clean.
Heather: Okay, listen, I’m sure you’re not getting any complaints.
Sasha: Yeah, my man’s happy.
Heather: I love that. I love that.
Sasha: Alright, so taking it back—how did you end up on reality TV? How did that come about, the reality show? I know you were selling real estate for a long time. Did it fall in your lap? How did you get started?
Heather: Yeah, we were already a working office. We are all doing real estate and the office had very beautiful women, as you see, and then Jason and Brett. That’s true— it was really like that. So it was originally me, Mary, Chrishelle, Christine, Maya, and then Jason and Brett. That was it.
Jen: The actual cast from season one.
Heather: From the very beginning, a lot of people assumed like, oh, he just brought in a whole bunch of good looking girls. Kelle was the only one that was brought in. She was already doing real estate, but she was the only one that was brought in after. But all of us were working together already. And there had been different producers that would come in and talk about a show and Jason and Brett were always like, no, we don’t want to distract ourselves from our job. And then they kind of pivoted and made it more about, well, we want it to be about the women and women in the office and women empowerment and seeing us in business. And so we’re all like, sure. And then we filmed a pilot and then Netflix picked it up, which was really shocking back then because Netflix didn’t really have reality back then. So we were like, okay, this probably isn’t going to go anywhere. We just didn’t know. And then I’d say by season three is when it really got huge. And that was also during Covid. So I think people were home just binge watching Netflix and people became obsessed with the show. So I would say it kind of fell into my lap. But we were already a working office. I feel like women, we go around, we’re like, we need our own reality show. That was always me. I’m like, me and my girlfriends, we should be in a reality show.
Jen: And like, this is L.A. we’re in! So it’s not so hard to believe, and you’re gorgeous and you’re doing cool things and looking amazing.
Heather: But I never thought it would actually happen. You kind of say things and you’re living that life and I was out and about, but you never think it’s really going to happen.
Sasha: And it probably felt like an overnight switch if you were filming a few seasons and didn’t feel too much change from it, and then all of a sudden, season three is when it really changed.
Heather: But I’m still just a normal small town girl from Running Springs. I grew up in the mountains here in Southern California. I’m still the same person. And I do these amazing things and sometimes I’m like, I have to slow down and remind myself of the coolest things I’ve done. I was nominated for Emmys. I won an MTV award.
Jen: Huge.
Heather: And my parents, I don’t even think they realize how well-known I am.
Jen: Figures. Cute. But one thing that I thought was really interesting about the show (I’ve watched all the seasons) was that there were real moments related to motherhood. Of course Mary was a mom when she was younger. But I think we saw Maya be pregnant and then we saw you eventually meet your man and then go through that. Was it hard to make that transition of being the sort of hustler real estate agent to then also having to think about the real life components of pregnancy and parenthood?
Heather: There’s a lot of layers to that story because when I met Tarek, I never thought I was going to date a man that had kids. That’s not something, as a single girl, you think about and it’s a lot to take on. So when I met him, we fell so in love that it just wasn’t really a thought to me. I was like, I love this man. I met the kids really quickly. I’d say within two weeks I met the kids, which seems fast, but he came out of a really serious, rough divorce and had never introduced the kids to any other woman besides me. So when he knew I was I guess the one, it was really quick and I met the kids and the whole family the same night. So it was like, we’re all in. And so I had to navigate my way through meeting the whole family, meeting the kids, being a girlfriend. But all of a sudden I’m raising these children. When you go through the birth and you’re preparing yourself for it, that’s one thing. But to just start raising children. And Brayden was three when I met him, and Taylor was eight. So they were little. And I had to learn how to transition to try to be a stepmom and figure that out and navigate even Christina, things with her and then nourish a new relationship and share my time with him with the kids. So it was a lot early on in a relationship to take on.
Sasha: It’s so many new hats that you’ve not worn before and then to all of a sudden put ‘em on and nourish a new relationship, still try to keep it fun and cute and cool. But you’re talking about kids and school drop offs, I’m sure. And then the exes, that’s tough. I dunno how you did that part. I dunno how you guys are so close now, that I really wanted to ask. We’ll hear about how that came about, because I think there’s a lot that you did to overcome and work through to be able to be so cool with her. I don’t think I could do that, but you said you probably think you can’t do a lot of it until it happens, and those are just the cards you’re dealt.
Heather: Yeah, I just kind of had to figure it out as I went. But I was filming Selling Sunset at the time, so I would be traveling back from Newport Beach up to L.A. Tarek and I ended up getting an apartment together up here so that I would have a spot, because I had gotten rid of my place when we moved in together. And then it was a lot of back and forth, and I’m like, I just can’t do it. I’m juggling my career and now a relationship and kids and now filming. It was just a lot. And then add on being pregnant. I had a great pregnancy though, you guys, I must say I thrived during pregnancy. I loved it. I felt beautiful.
Jen: Okay, finally, Sasha needs to hear this. Thank you.
Sasha: Thank you! Because I’m hearing a lot of scary stories. I thought it was going to be fun and then all of a sudden I’m hearing, “I hated every bit of it. I was throwing up the whole time.”
Heather: Every pregnancy is different. You don’t know what you’re going to get. Right? That’s the hard thing. But I had a great one. I had sciatica pretty bad, so I can’t say it was perfect, but I had no morning sickness. There’s hope. I wore high heels until a week before I gave birth.
Jen: I was going to say, I remember seeing you in heels. The bump suit. You rocked that onesie bump suit like nobody’s business. I think we literally must have posted a “get the look,” a “get Heather’s look.”
Sasha: We definitely did.
Heather: I love it. But yeah, I loved pregnancy. I mean, I miss it. I loved my bump. I loved talking to my son every day. I loved rubbing my belly. I loved feeling him kick. I felt beautiful. I mean, it helped that I had glam during filming. It wasn’t like I was lounging around in sweats all day. So I think that helped get me through it where I still felt like myself through it. And I was also filming Flipping El Moussas at the same time. So I was filming two shows during my whole pregnancy up until I pretty much gave birth.
Sasha: Yeah, I saw some episodes. I’m like, she looks like she’s about to give birth, but everything is still so put together.
Heather: I was waddling, my back sciatica was so bad. The high heels made me feel better because it evened out my hips.
Sasha: Okay, yeah. So that’s something there.
Heather: Yeah, don’t assume the flats are going to do it. Wear high heels.
Jen: There’s so much to unpack, though, because we talked about co-parenting, talked about being pregnant. Did the kids take to you right away? Or was it a process?
Heather: Oh yes. Well, okay, actually, rewind. Taylor did, my stepdaughter, right away. So when I first met them, Taylor and her cousin Malia had a song that they made up about Tarek and Heather sitting in a tree—that song. They made up a whole dance for me. So I arrived there at the house to meet the kids, the whole family, Tarek’s family. They’re Lebanese and Belgian. So it’s like a European family, all about food, stuffing food in my face when I get there. Very welcoming. It’s like, just jump on in. It’s intimidating for someone that comes from a smaller family. And I’m meeting the whole family in one. And the kids— meeting the kids was a big deal to me. I had never dated anyone that had kids. So it was like, I’m so scared to meet them. Do I bring anything? And Tarek’s like, no, no, no, you’re good. Just show up. So I’m like, okay. And then Taylor sings this song for me. And I’m like, wow, that is so cute. Because usually at that age or especially if they’re a little bit older and they know what’s kind of going on, they get a little, who is this new person? She was ready for me. It was after the separation, so she was ready for a woman in her life at her dad’s house. And he prepped her before me meeting them. It was like, this is Heather, this is the girl I’m seeing. This is what she does. And showed them photos. So she was very excited to meet me. And then after that it was like, put me to bed every night! Read me books! I would help with the bedtime routine. It was very easy. With Brayden, he was three. It took a little bit longer with him. He didn’t know who I was. Also, I’ve never been around a 3-year-old besides my nieces. I had never been around kids really that much. So I didn’t know my positioning. And also they have a mom that was very much in their life. So I’m just coming in to be an added bonus for them. But yeah, Brayden, I’d say it took, to be honest, about two years.
Jen: And that actually doesn’t surprise me, because, what do they call it, a three-nager? Have you heard about three-nagers?
Sasha: I’m scared.
Jen: The terrible twos and then the three-nagers. They’re very opinionated at that age. And they’re just sort of learning their environment, starting to get territorial, they start saying no all the time and they sort of feeling out their power.
Heather: And I think he didn’t know who I was. You can’t explain to a 3-year-old who I am and all of a sudden I’m living in the house and all of a sudden I’m there. So it took him a little bit before I’d say we started getting close.
Jen: You mentioned Christina, and obviously the kids have a mom. How did you guys find a rhythm in terms of working together in the service of the family?
Heather: Tarek and Christina co-parented well, but they were filming Flip or Flop back then still. They’d worked together and then they would only talk about the kids. It was very, once we’re done filming, just go about your way. So it was very up and down. And so I had to navigate through that as well. Okay, we’re going to Brayden’s birthday party, she’s there. But I’d say it was great because she welcomed me in, especially as time went on. And then Tarek proposed to me after a year and I think she realized I was serious and I’m staying. And the kids loved me. And she says, now, why wouldn’t I want someone in there that loves my children that’s helping take care of them? And I’d say now that it’s been six years I’ve been with Tarek almost, and we’re in the best place possible that we could be filming The Flip Off together really helped bond us on a different level than just co-parenting together. But I’d say even before The Flip Off, we texted every day about the kids because we share custody. So it’s 50% of the time at our house, 50% at her house. So we would talk about school and if one of them would get in trouble, how do we discipline and how do we navigate through situations? So we were constantly talking anyways about the kids. But I’d say now we’re in more of a friendship rather than just co-parenting. Monday we went out with Taylor for a girls’ night, so champagne together sometimes. And we film skits together. We do fun things together.
Sasha: Yeah, I’ve seen the TikToks and the videos with you two together and I’m like, that is so cool.
Jen: Oh my gosh, I love that.
Sasha: Moving into career stuff, you’re obviously doing all the shows and you’ve just launched your new, is it a lip gloss Line? Is it going to be a full makeup line? We tried to get some, and they’re all sold out. Sold out.
Heather: I have to send you guys some!
Jen: Congratulations.
Sasha: Thank you. And she’s helping in some of those promotional things.
Jen: That’s really fun that you guys are actually working together and helping each other out.
Heather: I’m a big girl supporter and in helping my friends out and we have fun doing them. So yeah, I just launched Heather Ray Essentials. I launched with one lip gloss a week and a half ago or so, and we sold out in 48 hours.
Jen: Crazy.
Heather: It was amazing. It was nerve wracking. I’d been working on Heather Essentials for almost four years and oh wow. It was a scary thing to launch. You don’t know how it’s going to go. And I ended up selling out so quick and it’s not like I had a few units. I had thousands and thousands. So the fact that people were so excited for it was so happy. I was so happy. And then I launched two more this past Wednesday—Rose and Ash and Honey Bunny. I’m wearing Honey Bunny right now.
Sasha: Okay. I was going to ask you which one you’re wearing today.
Heather: I like the muted color. So that one’s doing really well too. And then I have more coming out soon.
Sasha: Yay. More products!
Heather: I don’t want to tell you guys too much but I’ll be teasing it throughout the next month or so. But it’s going to be a whole line of different things.
Jen: Love it. Are we doing some makeup beyond beauty? I’d say more lip gloss. And then I’d say some body stuff.
Sasha: Yeah. We know she likes body scrubs.
Heather: That might’ve been something that got me through my postpartum.
Jen: Okay. It was a little breadcrumb for those paying attention, right?
Sasha: Speaking of postpartum, how was your postpartum journey? Did you get right back into it? Did you need to take a lot of time off?
Heather: I wished I took more time off. I had the baby and everyone was so excited to hear about the baby. So I think I was doing interviews for* People* magazine, US Weekly, and a week later, I was doing the cover of US Weekly. And now that I think back, I remember being done with these interviews and I’m like, what did I say? My brain was so foggy. I’m trying to figure out how to be a mom and deal with my body healing and all the things you go through, which you’ll have to tell /[Sasha] about.
Jen: I’m not going to tell her too much at this point.
Sasha: I’m like, maybe I just don’t need to know.
Jen: I’ll tell you the essentials.
Heather: My best friend that I was just visiting, she was like, why didn’t you guys tell me the pain? I’m like, you kind of forget about it.
Jen: You do.
Heather: You forget because you’re so obsessed with this little human being. It’s rough, though. I’m trying to go back and paint the picture for myself, but you bring this little human home that then you have to figure out how to raise right and change diapers. I’d never changed diapers before. And they’re spitting up this fluid and you’re like, what’s going on? And then you’re trying to learn how to breastfeed. It’s so much. And then you’re bleeding and then you feel fat. Jen: And the hormones!
Heather: The hormones, you’re crying and they’re not sleeping. How do you calm them down? There’s so much you have to learn in the beginning. And I remember people asking me, what’s his personality? I’m like, personality? You’re like, I haven’t had a shower in a day. He’s 10 days old. What do you mean his personality? I don’t know. So there’s a lot. I’d say I felt normal after a year. It takes a while and you almost don’t realize you’re not normal until you start feeling normal again. And I think every woman, you kind of go through some type of postpartum, not depression, but you go through something, something that you almost don’t know what it is. But I’m very type A, organized person too. And your life is kind of chaotic when you have a newborn. You have to accept that all of a sudden you’re just like, whatever happens, happens. And I think that was really challenging for me. And then going back to filming and doing all these interviews and having people just watching me all the time with what I’m doing. It was challenging and I wanted to be home nurturing my baby, but I spent a lot of time in bed with him. Breastfeeding and just skin-to-skin snuggling. So I did take that time for myself, but I definitely feel like if there was the next time I wouldn’t want to leave the house even for at least a month and just really bond with my baby. And I did. I mean I was home a lot with him, but I would just say no to probably almost everything. Give me the time and space—that’s minimum, bare minimum. Four months is when I felt like I could go out and be myself a little bit. And then a year is when I’m like, I’m back.
Jen: We’ve been talking to a few of our guests about the period of postpartum. In some cultures they call it confinement, the 30 day day confinement. And then I know there are a lot of Latin American cultures have a similar long period where the mom is just at home with the baby. There’s a caretaker for the mom who takes care of her too, not just the baby. She cooks for them, cooks certain foods to sort of help with inflammation and body healing. And it’s something that Western cultures haven’t really normalized or really adopted in the same way.
Sasha: It’s very, get back up and get into it.
Jen: I know they have centers like that now. Hotels and centers, and I know they have them back east. I don’t know if they have them out here yet. But yeah, maybe that’s something you can do if there’s another round.
Heather: I think about that. Seriously, I was like, women really need a place like that to just go and heal and be taken care of. And for me and for you, you have three. I was still taking care of the older kids and having to manage that. And then you have a husband that’s very needy and you need to take care of your husband. So it’s navigating through all those challenges. But then you have this little amazing human being that just relies on you so much and they’re your number one priority at the time because they need you. So nothing else really matters. Tar and I, we really combated things. Well, he would take the older kids and do their things and then I would be home with Tristan.
Jen: I feel like the divide and conquer, that was my survival attack for all of my pregnancies. Just so that you could feel like you had that real bonding time where you didn’t have to split yourself in a million different directions.
Heather: But did you feel like, because for Tarek and I, we mean we’re still best friends, but we went from being joined at the hip, all the time together, and then it was divide and conquer. Then your relationship kind of divides a little bit.
Sasha: You don’t see them as often, maybe at night and you’re both exhausted and tired.
Jen: It becomes a little tactical. There’s a list of things that have to happen. I mean in my little experiment of life, you just have to be more intentional because you don’t want to become just business partners or just co-captains running a house. You just got to find, and I’m not perfect, but just finding ways to schedule it in. The small things that my husband and I do, probably only once a month is like, we’ll go work out together. And it’s a simple thing. I know I have to still work out. I’m like, you know what? Start your day a little bit later.
Sasha: Kill two birds with one stone.
Jen: Go on my walk with me and it’s like the kids are off to school. Let’s go on our walk together. Small stuff, bonding moments. And we’re like, oh, we like talking to each other. And it’s not just the handing off of the baton. You’re nodding, so you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Heather: Yeah, so he goes off to the gym every morning and I’m home with Tristan. I do my work. It’s at home now, but sometimes I’m like, skip the gym and stay home with me and let’s go on a walk. And you have to almost have to schedule it in, which is hard because you don’t want to do that, but you have to. It’s going to be just like business partners. And you kind of miss that time with them. But Tarek and I, we’re good at carving out our nights together.
Jen: That’s good.
Heather: Yeah. So when the baby goes down, if we don’t have Taylor and Brayden, we spend those evenings together where we just sit and we talk and we catch up about our day. And the other day he’s like, because we’re not filming right now. He’s like, I miss filming with you. We’re watching our show. It’s on right now. So right now he’s at the office, I’m working from home and I’m all over the place and he’s home. And while we’re all over the place, we talk throughout the day all the time. I’m sure you do with your husband.
Jen: But the joke is that sometimes just to leave the house for a 15 minute coffee feels like a luxury to me. You’re probably in it with your older stepchildren. There’s a dance. Maybe someone has a basketball game. Soccer game. The sports! You want them to play sports because you want them to be active. You don’t want lazy kids. But it’s nonstop. It’s practice. Then it’s a game. And then the next one has their drawing.
Heather: Oh, that sounds like a lot. Jen: Alright, so before we get into our little fun segment called This or That, I’m just really curious. You’ve got so many cool things coming up, with your Heather Essentials, you’ve got your shows about real estate on. Is there anything else that’s sort of on your wishlist of things that you want to happen in the next, I’ll call it the next three years? Career-wise? Career or motherhood or family-wise?
Heather: I mean, let’s see. I’m trying to think career-wise too. There’s so much. Growing Heather Essentials, that’s kind of my number one priority now. I’d say that’s my second baby. I’ve been working so hard on that. So to watch it be such a successful launch and that was without any marketing behind it, that was just all organic. I would like to grow that to something bigger. I love filming. I would love to stay on TV and continue my career on that. I just love it. I’m so fulfilled in so many ways, and family-wise, I mean, I am so lucky. I have such an amazing son and two stepkids and Tristan is, I call him my little earth angel. His soul is so good and I would love to have one more baby. It’s hard when you already have three kids and the career and everything else in life. Can I even balance that and can I even do that? But then I’m 38 this year, so at some point as a woman, so that time clock, you start to think of it a little more, and you don’t want to make the wrong decision. If I don’t do it, will II regret it later in life? You never regret having kids, right? But can I take on one more? So I don’t know. And would it change my relationship with the other kids? Moms have told me it doesn’t. You find more love. But I’m like, can my husband, can we handle it? There’s just a lot of questions that he and I are going through right now with that because it’s kind of like now or never for me to make that decision. I prefer not to be in my forties having another baby. I prefer it happening now.
Jen: Well those are big decisions. And for what it’s worth, my first and my third pregnancies were surprises. The only one I planned was the one in the middle. So love it. And you’ve got some time to decide, but I would love if it was a surprise. It sort of just happens to you and then you have to figure it out. And I’ll testify that yes, you find more love, you find more capacity. I think you’re so warm and so loving. And I think that’s what so many of us have loved seeing in you over the years on TV. I feel like you’re so grounded and you’ve been yourself even in stressful situations. I don’t know how you do it. But yeah, there’s a lot of love to give. So if it’s something that you’re thinking about, I’d say go for it.
Sasha: Alright, so we’re going to move into This or That. So it’s one or the other—pick whatever feels right.
Heather: Okay. It’s your hot take.
Sasha: Exactly. So we’re going to start with mom questions. Do you prefer a baby shower or a bachelorette party?
Heather: You guys! Both. I had such a great bachelorette party and baby shower. Lemme say baby shower. Yeah, because then you’re celebrating life. Right?
Sasha: I love that. Okay. Newborn baby smell or baby feet.
Heather: Oh my gosh, I should say baby rolls too. Little baby rolls are cute. This is hard. Can I say both? All of these. Oh, their feet are so cute. Right? But their smell is too. Yeah, I’d say their smell.
Sasha: Okay. And would you rather live without childcare or glam? Oh no, I scared you. You’re like, neither! So all the rest were tough, but this one. If you had to pick, which one could you live without?
Jen: That’s a tough one. I love this question.
Sasha: Yeah, they both hurt, I think.
Heather: Oh my god. I don’t know if I could live without either, you guys. Yeah, glam makes me feel like a whole new woman. Right. The childcare is help. I couldn’t live without childcare. But I can do my own glam.
Jen: Or you can find childcare that might be good at putting on those lashes. Actually, real talk. I had an au pair who used to put my lashes on for me. She was young and she did it for herself. She knew how to and I’d be like, wait, I hope the agency doesn’t hear this, but she definitely used to put my lashes on for me.
Sasha: I love that. Wow. Okay. And mommy friends or work friends?
Heather: Mommy friends.
Sasha: And mommy and me looks, yes or no?
Heather: It’s hard with a boy. But we match sometimes.
Sasha: I love matching. I think it’s so cute. Or a subtle match. It’s in the same color zone. I’m all for it. And then moving over to lifestyle and career, is it selling luxury real estate or flipping homes right now?
Heather: I’d say flipping homes.
Sasha: Beachfront property or Hollywood Hills property?
Heather: Beachfront, beachfront.
Sasha: Design it yourself or hire a designer?
Heather: That’s tough. I do both.
Sasha: Yeah. And you have a really good eye.
Heather: I feel like with design, I work with good teams. For me it’s the sourcing of the materials that I don’t have time to go out and do that. But can I say both to that one?
Sasha: Yeah.
Heather: Okay. Both.
Sasha: And your love language, is it gifts, acts of service, physical touch or words of affirmation?
Heather: Words of affirmation.
Jen: What is Tar?
Heather: Physical touch.
Sasha: And on your day off, are you unplugging or are you going out?
Heather: Gosh, I don’t know. Kind of depends what my mood is. But I generally prefer to be home and chill any chance I can get.
Sasha: Alright, well those are the This or That questions. We’re going to move into Parent Truths.
Jen: Okay, this is a soft ball. It’s not tricky, but this is where we like to prompt our guests and just have them fill in the blank with just whatever comes to mind. Just to get your sort of raw, unfiltered opinion. This is a bit of a soft ball leaning into your design and sensibility. So if you were to design a nursery, what would be the one essential that you’d have to have in there?
Heather: That I don’t have now or that I would carry on?
Jen: How about what has been the thing that you love the most that’s in your current nursery?
Heather: My rocking chair, which is a must for new moms out there. I actually originally got a swivel chair, but I couldn’t breastfeed in it. It was too tight. And so I gave in and got just a rocking chair, like a lounger rocking chair. And I love it. I still sit with Tristan in it and cuddle him and every morning we sit and snuggle in it.
Jen: That’s really sweet. I like that. Okay. And then I’ll give you the other question we were thinking about for you, which is not quite as much of a soft ball, but if you had to describe your motherhood style as an interior design style, what would it be?
Heather: As an interior design style?
Jen: Yeah. Sort of like an aesthetic.
Heather: I’d say calm and neutral.
Jen: Calm and neutral. Ooh, I love that. Okay. So you’re low on the anxiety scale when it comes to being a mom.
Heather: I’d say now I am.
Jen: That’s good.
Heather: I’m lying to you guys, I have way more anxiety being a mom now because my head spirals. I think about the things that could happen after you have a baby. You’re like, I’m traveling today. What could happen? I hate being like that, but I feel like that’s just where I’m at right now. Okay. So yeah, maybe I’m not calm.
Sasha: That is very common though. Especially when they’re really little and you work and you travel a lot. That’s really tough. I see that with parents leaving for their first trip without their baby. And how hard that is.
Jen: That’s hard. Have you done that yet?
Heather: Yeah, I did. It took me a while. It definitely took me a while. I traveled with Tristan for the first time when he was four months. So I feel like I waited, but oh, that was chaotic. So I’m not calm. I over prepare way too much. I brought too much crap that I didn’t need traveling. Yeah. It was ridiculous.
Jen: I will say with the second kid, te second baby, you get down to bare bones.
Heather: Oh, for sure.
Sasha: You do the opposite. You’re like, I’m bringing just what I need. I’m not lugging anything extra.
Heather: I would be so different with the second one. I would not have put the pressure on myself that I did with the first one to even breastfeed as long as I did or breastfeed even at all. If you can’t, you can’t. It was challenging. Tristan had tongue tie, lip tie and cheek tie. All three. So we had a lot of challenges with that and I just wouldn’t put the pressures on myself.
Jen: I appreciate the honesty and I think the more we have these very real conversations with each other, the better it makes it for the next woman coming along. Right?
Heather: Yeah. Because you don’t always talk about it. The challenges. And I think we’re all here to help each other.
Jen: Couldn’t agree more. All right, so just as we close out, we do like to ask all of our guests at the end, what is the one trait of yours that you hope that you pass down to Tristan?
Heather: I’d say my heart. Yeah. My loving heart.
Jen: That’s everything. And especially in today’s world, I think that makes all the difference. That’s amazing. Heather, it was so amazing having you here. I appreciate you.
Heather: Yes. This was fun, right? I’ve learned a lot. I’ve been taking notes.
Sasha: We’re going to be on the lookout for the next drops for Heather Rae Essentials. Is there a wait list?
Heather: There’s a VIP list. So VIPs get first access to everything that I’m about to drop. You get early access, you get to find out first what’s coming out.
Jen: And we’ll be watching all the shows. We’re big fans. Thank you. And good luck with everything.
Heather: Thank you. Appreciate it. You too guys.
Sasha: Thanks for coming in. Thank you. Bye. Alright guys, thank you for tuning in and we’ll see you next time. Bye bye.