What’s Causing Your Low Sex Drive During Pregnancy? (and How to Keep the Intimacy Alive)

If you’re feeling blasé about your sex life right now, welcome to the club! Having a low sex drive during pregnancy is a bummer—it’s also extremely common. Hormones, physiological changes and the stress of this major life change can all contribute to a decreased libido. But it’s not all gloom and doom; pregnancy is temporary, and it can be a great time to take a closer look at your sexual likes and dislikes. To help you out, we got the hot take on what drives low libido during pregnancy, straight from experts—plus, tips to help you during this temporary dry spell.

Is It Normal to Have Low Sex Drive During Pregnancy?

Yes, it’s completely normal to have a low sex drive while pregnant, says Cielo Gnecco, MD, an ob-gyn at Orlando Health Women’s Institute Center for Obstetrics & Gynecology in Kissimmee, Florida. Even after the fatigue and nausea of the first trimester subside, the stress of pregnancy can continue to take a toll. Remember, your body’s primary job right now is supporting a growing baby, so it’s okay if your sex drive takes a temporary nose dive.

What Causes Low Sex Drive During Pregnancy?

Low sex drive during pregnancy can be caused by physiological and emotional changes and stressors. Gnecco notes that hormonal changes, fatigue, nausea, stress and physical discomfort can all contribute to decreased sexual desire. And rest assured that, while some women experience an increased sex drive in pregnancy, research shows that the vast majority of women experience an overall decline in libido while pregnant. Below, we explore why you might not be feeling it in each trimester.

First trimester

The first trimester is a time of rapid change, and it can do a number on a woman’s sex drive. “Hormonal changes are a major factor that influence libido. Fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone can impact one’s libido,” says Gnecco. “During the first trimester, patients tend to be affected by nausea and vomiting. Morning sickness, exhaustion and general discomfort can make intimacy less appealing.” Sex will likely be far from your mind during this trimester, and that’s okay.

Second trimester

In the second trimester, energy levels increase and nausea often subsides. This improvement in overall comfort can mean a boost in libido for some women. “As pregnancy progresses into the second trimester, this is when libido tends to be at its highest,” Gnecco says. “Patients often experience less discomfort during this time and their levels of estrogen and progesterone rise, which leads to increased arousal and sensitivity.” However, not all women experience a boost in sex drive at this time. For some women, the rapid and potentially uncomfortable changes in their body result in a low libido during this trimester.

Third trimester

The third trimester can be notoriously hard on your sex drive. “People start to experience increased stress, anxiety or mood swings related to pregnancy, and this can affect sexual desire,” says Gnecco. “When approaching the third trimester, having intercourse can become more difficult given the enlarged abdomen and increased discomfort from a growing baby. Women also tend to be concerned about fetal wellbeing and they fear causing harm by having intercourse.” That said—for the record—sex during pregnancy is generally considered safe, unless your doctor has told you otherwise.

How to Cope With Low Sex Drive During Pregnancy

Dealing with low sex drive during pregnancy can be challenging. However, with open communication and a little effort, it’s a challenge that can actually bring you and your partner closer together. Below, some tips on how to cope and move through this period.

Be gentle with yourself

The changes your body goes through to grow and support baby might result in a decreased sex drive—sad but true. Finding acceptance with that will help you cope. “Just like you can’t control morning sickness or cravings, you can’t control your sex drive that much either,” says Javay Frye-Nekrasova, M.Ed., sex educator and founder of The Millennial Sexpert. “Understanding that and being gentle with yourself about it is important.”

Manage your stress

We can’t control much of what happens to our bodies during pregnancy, but we can control how we manage the stress. “A normal pregnancy is physically, mentally and emotionally stressful. One of our stress hormones—cortisol—decreases the hormones that drive our desire for sex,” says Sarah Morrow, CNM, a certified nurse-midwife at Pediatrix Medical Group in Fort Worth, Texas. Healthy activities that complete the stress cycle—like exercising or talking with a friend—can help lower your stress levels and, in turn, potentially improve your sex drive.

Talk about your low sex drive

Open up to your partner about your low libido during pregnancy. This can help manage expectations and improve your connection. “When sex drives change, people often struggle with assumptions or assign blame to themselves. Sharing what you’re experiencing and why you believe it’s impacting your libido gives your partner insight and prevents false narratives from forming and creating resentments,” says Morrow. Naming the changes you’re feeling will help you and your partner get on the same team.

Expand your definition of sex and make time for non-sexual intimacy

Adding more items to your sexual menu might increase intimacy between you and your partner even when you’re not in the mood for penetrative sex, says Vanessa Marin, MFT, licensed sex therapist and author of Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. “That’s not the only way to have sex,” she adds. Instead, prioritize other ways of connecting intimately. “Consider activities that don’t feel like ‘sex’ because it can be easier for you to be in the mood for things like sensual massages or digital/manual stimulation,” advises Frye-Nekrasova.

Focus on quality over quantity

It’s important to make sure you like the sex you’re having, says Kaci Mial, a certified sex coach. Now would be a great time to explore what brings you pleasure (and what doesn’t). And opt for quality over quantity. Communicate with your partner about your changing desires. And remember: there’s no magical amount of sex that couples should be having. What works for you and your partner is what’s right.

Get clear on how your desire levels feel to you

Again, there’s no right amount of sex drive, and you get to decide how your sexual desire levels feel to you. You might find that you’re perfectly happy with your libido during pregnancy, even if it’s lower than it used to be (or lower than your partner’s). “A lot of the clients feel guilt or shame for experiencing low desire because of their partner or society’s expectations,” says Mial. “There’s no trophy that one wins for having more frequent sexual desire than others.”

Our bodies go through an enormous amount of change during and after pregnancy. Often, low sex drive is an unfortunate side effect of the journey. However, this temporary change can invite you to examine your relationship with sex and your sex drive. Perhaps by looking more closely at both, you’ll cultivate an intimate relationship with your partner that feels better to both of you.

Please note: The Bump and the materials and information it contains are not intended to, and do not constitute, medical or other health advice or diagnosis and should not be used as such. You should always consult with a qualified physician or health professional about your specific circumstances.